DREAM (A Short Story part 1)

There was something strange with my body. I felt like a cotton in the sky until I thought I can dance on the clouds. I kept going up to the sky among the stars. What a beautiful view it was. I could even saw the light in the town. The moon looked so big and the light felt so soft. The, I saw something. I saw the biggest star with the brightest light. I wanted it. I wanted to touch it. It was about 5 cm before I could reach it when I was aware that I could not even move a little farther to have it. My fingers kept trying to reach it but my body could not move.

There was a chain surround my ankle. It did not permit me to fly higher than I was now. The more I wanted to freed my self from the chain, the more the chain held me so tight. Slowly, I could see that biggest star went away. “Help me. Help me please.” Let me to hold that star for a second. But that sturdy chain pulled me down. No. No. I did not want but I fell down fast.

My eyes opened. My heart beat fast. It was a dream. That was the same dream in every night I had. I could only not to dream about it if I felt so tired until I even did not know that I fell asleep. So, I kept myself busy to do everything I could do. It was just to prevent myself from the dream that I hated. I worked hard, cooked when I was at home, read before I slept, or went for swimming to make my body got tired so I did not have any power even to dream about something. Everything I did for not dreaming.

Dreaming. That was the forbidden word for me. Since I was a child I could never did want I wanted. I could not have a dream by my own. All of things had been set by my parents. What could be done, want could not be done, they would decide it for me. The same thing happened for the husband to be. They had their choice.  It was not my choice.

Please do not ask me why I did not rebel. That thought always came to my mind every single second. Maybe I should have gone from this house. Maybe I should have done everything I wanted without thinking too hard about whether my parents would agree or not. I had never done it. Maybe because I was to kind to hurt the people who gave me life. Or maybe I was just too coward to choose my own fate.

            “You have big body Nata, but your attitude and your thought are not mature,” said my friend, Didi. He was not the first who told me that. It was hurt to hear it. But it was the truth.

Iam not the only child in my family. I have two older sisters, one younger sister, and one older brother. We were born and grown up in Singkawang, one of the cities in West Kalimantan. My father and my mother are Javanese. So, it can be said that there is Javanese blood in our veins. For Javanese family, manners is the most important thing. Javanese have to speak and behave by seeing the position, the age, and the role in the society.  That is why for Javanese, there are three levels of language; “Krama alus,” “krama madya,”, and “ngoko.” It is because there is a belief that good behavior means nothing without good language.

Javanese manner has been tought since we were kids with intention that it will become habit and will not be forgotten when we were growing up. We learnt how to talk, how to sit, how to eat, how to dressed, how to visit someone, how to go outside, etc.

When we want go somewhere we need to say it to the parents in order to get blessing. It is to avoid something bad happened to us. While saying where we are going to go, we will kiss our parents’ hand. Another thing, when we are eating something, make a sound of smacking the tongue will be considered as impolite. So, we have to eat while we are sitting without making any sound. In addition, we are not allowed to yawn in front of the guest because it means that we want to chase the guest away which then means as disrespectful behavior. What are already mentioned are only some rules for Javanese. There are still many rules and prohibition that can not be mentioned one by one. I as a woman who has grow up in Javanese family has accustomed with those things.

It did not matter for me until it came. There was an email from University of Southampton in England. It gave me letter of unconditional offer to be a one of international students there. Besides, I got full scholarship to study there for 1 year for my master degree. If I studied there I could get my master of applied Linguistic degree.

I was so happy to get that opportunity to go abroad and study in famous university. I prepared everything such as files, passport, documents, etc. Two days before I go, my father said something that I would never forget forever.

            “No. You can not go there. You are a woman. You don’t have to be ambitious to get the higher level. Later, you will be a wife of a good man,” said my father.

            “But dad, I want to go there. I want to continue my study and get my master degree. Don’t you feel proud of it?” I almost could not hold my tear.

            “It is a dream. Just throw it away. If you want to continue your study, you can just continue it here. England is far. How if I am sick or if I die but I can not meet you?”

I knew that my father worry about me. He loves me. That was why he insisted for not letting me go. But it really disappointed me.

            “So, the answer is still no.” I did not have to ask because I had already known the answer. I knew that he could be very stubborn.

Then, I locked my self in my bedroom for several days. My mom tried to calm me down.  "You have to understand your father. He loves you so much." She even tried to talk with my father to change his mind. But it did not work at all.

illustration 1

Time passed by. Family was still everything to me. It made me chose to stay and did as my father said. But there was still little fire in my heart that might be burn if there was something which could blow it. I just still could not let it go sincerely.

One night, my father told me that I would get married within two months. I was get shocked because I had someone that I expected to be my husband and a father of my children. I just was not able to think clearly. I must stop this crazy thing. But How?

While I was thinking, I saw this man. He was wearing tartan shirt with the buttons were opened. The black t-shirt was inside. He was also wearing blue jeans. There were some rips in his jeans. Some bracelet made of rubber surrounded his wrist. He is walking toward me. Then, he smiled at me. He looked so handsome with eagle-eyes and sideburns. He was the man that I fell into.

To be continued.....